Legally Pink
by Shinga
Summary: Warning: CRACK Draco Malfoy ends up in some legal trouble while in America and goes to the best lawyer in town... Elle Woods. Legally Blonde crossover, purely a silly oneshot


**Legally Pink**

Shinga

A _Harry Potter / Legally Blonde _crossover

A/N: Written for LJ user likespring in a fandomsecrets crossover meme. Most definitely cracktastic.

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Draco sat in the waiting room, sitting on his hands until he couldn't feel them. He didn't know where the effeminate assistant went or when he was going to see this so-called "best lawyer in town" but he was growing impatient. Muggle laws annoyed him... it wasn't as if they were especially clear, especially American ones. For one, since when was he too young to drink liquor? He was nearly twenty years old and had been able to drink in Britain for quite enough time to be perfectly legal. And so what if he didn't have a driver's license and if the car he had driven after a few shots of whatever-drink wasn't his? It wasn't his fault some idiot left the keys in the ignition... or their open and readily available pants pocket. And the woman he hit? Her fault for walking on the street. Or was it the sidewalk? He couldn't be bothered to remember. Either way, the incompetent police officers kindly suggested a "good lawyer"... which he could afford.

"Good morning!"

Draco looked up and felt all hope for his life drain away.

"You must be Draco Malfoy! Wow, what an interesting name, are you Swedish? Oh nevermind, come on back and we can have a quick talksie about this little problem, okay?"

"I..." Draco looked the woman up and down. She was about his height with glowing lightly tanned skin and wavy blonde locks past her shoulders. Her eyes were happy and her smile far too white and cheerful. Her outfit was easily the most distracting part of her, though. Her business skirt and jacket matched her shoes and nails and all of them were a bright pink. "I'm... sorry," he said. "Are you Elle Woods?"

"One and the same," she said with a modest giggle, tossing her head to the side. Her hair swung as cheerfully and Draco felt like vomiting. "I know what you're thinking," she added with her hands up. Draco had a feeling she probably didn't actually know. "You're thinking, 'where on Earth did she get those shoes'? Well that's actually an interesting story, but I'll save it to tell you after we help you! You just follow me back to my office, Mr. Malfoy!"

Woefully he followed and his mind briefly flashed into some perfect dreamland where Elle Woods' office suddenly exploded with the flash of wands and his parents flew in on broomsticks to rescue him from this. Hell, at this point he'd even take Boy Wonder and his redheaded sidekick and his uppity bushy-headed know-it-all girlfriend.

"Now let's see here, underage drinking, drunk in public, stole a car, drove a car, hit a woman... huh," Elle frowned as she looked over his file. Draco sat on the chair opposite her and she sat at her desk. He couldn't help but notice all the matching pink all over the office. Again he felt sick. "Well Mr. Malfoy, I won't lie, this is going to be a toughie. Now there's always the standard 'foreign so the poor boy doesn't know any better' routine, but with this much against you, especially with things that I'm pretty sure aren't legal in Britain either, it'll be a problem. The most you can probably hope for is a lesser sentence than you're looking at."

"If my father hears about this..."

"Now, now," Elle said with a smile. "Let's not get grumpy, okay? I'm going to help you. It's probably going to take some work, and lucky for you Mrs. Jones isn't dead."

"Who?"

"The woman you hit."

"Ah."

"Either way though," Elle said with an even bigger smile. Draco wondered if her teeth were bright enough to blind a man if combined with direct sunlight. "We're going to be spending a lot of quality time together, Mr. Malfoy... we're going to end up great friends. I look forward to it!"

Draco wished at that moment, harder than anything he had ever wished for in his entire life, that he would be rescued from this fate. Anyone could do it... Voldemort could somehow come back yet again and rescue him and he'd brand a dark mark anywhere the dark lord told him to and then kiss his feet for an entire week if he could be spared this doom.

Instead of expressing this to Elle, he forced a smile that he thought might look happy. "Oh," he said. "Yay."

Elle seemed to buy it. As she began to rattle on about how they were going to approach this in court, Draco began silently planning his suicide note... and the smile remained on his face for the rest of the meeting.


End file.
